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Grab your Divergence merch including our signature “I’m a Switch” t-shirts and hoodies by clicking the link below!

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“This is how you ask for head”

The story behind the inside joke

While the “This is how you ask for head” shirt obviously has a humorous double meaning (the dance connotation and the sexual connotation), the message of the shirt goes so much deeper. “This is how you ask for head” refers to my pedagogy on leading head motion in Brazilian Zouk – that we should ASK for it. That it should be led passively like an invitation to open the chest, rather than a demand. This is obviously for safety purposes: you don’t know what the follow’s range of motion is, you don’t know how their body is feeling that day, so physically maneuvering their ribcage to a specific spot is not a good idea. However, this also teaches us about consent. In fact, the entire dance is a practice in consent, but specifically, learning to lead head motion passively rather than actively teaches us to honor the followers body, choices, and technique, and allows us to co-create a much more comfortable and enjoyable dance. 

If you haven’t been introduced to the technique of passive leading yet, it’s the practice of creating space for the follower to fill, rather than exerting a push or pull force on the followers body. So for example, if you are walking backwards and want the follower to come with you, you could pull them by the hands or hug them and just take them with you, both of which are active leading, OR you could offer your palms to the follower and invite them to keep the connection (passive leading). In the example on my shirt, active leading would be holding the ribcage with the palms and physically tilting it backwards, whereas passive leading would be tilting your palms away from the ribcage, inviting the follower to fill the space. (I couldn’t find an image of us doing this for the shirt, don’t come for me lol). And let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with active leading as long as you are using the appropriate amount of force (hint: way less than you think) in the correct placement and direction. In fact, some movements in Zouk require active leading (think spins, counterbalances, or anything with elasticity) . However, we can lead passively much more often than you think and I would encourage leaders to explore this more in their practice, especially when it comes to head movement. Not only is it safer and more comfortable, but it empowers the follower to rely on their technique (rather than relying on very direct instruction from the leader), to execute the head motion in a way that fits their body, and to be a more active follower in general. 

And this concept relates, of course, to real life. To human relationships – platonic, romantic, and sexual. When it comes to handling someone else’s body, we should always ASK before doing anything, whether that’s asking with our words or whether that’s inviting it passively with our body language, creating space for both a yes and a no. When we do things too actively, especially sexually, you run the risk of forcing someone into a situation where they can’t say no. We never want to assume what someone else might want. We want to extend the invitation so that if the other person wants to, they can actively and enthusiastically come to you. That’s why it’s always best to ask for head 😉.

-Sabrina